Welcome! If you're here reading this, it means that you've decided that you want to know about the wide world of Furry Fandom! You might have heard word about the community from someplace online, or maybe you just need something new to jerk off to. Whichever the reason, this guide is here to help you get to know the ropes (and perhaps whips and chains) of Furry. Know, then, that Furries are a friendly group of people that are more than happy to get to know you, because more likely than not, they're confident that if they pat your back enough, you'll have sex with them.

Furries come from all different kinds of diverse backgrounds and varying walks of life. That being said, 99% of Furries are gay white men of college age or slightly older. There are a few girls, too, but they mostly just sell art at conventions and make a lot of money. What you basically have is a hodgepodge of overanxious undersexed guys all coming together in the same place, and that equals out to a good time for everybody.

There are other terms for Furry, too, like 'Anthropomorphics' and 'Funny Animal' fans, but these names are kinda stupid and completely fucking useless, and will be summarily ignored for the rest of this guide.

In order to understand Furry on a deeper level, you'll need to be familiar with the lexicon of Furry jargon that gets thrown around. Much like computer illiterate parents don't understand tech-savvy talk, Mundanes (that's Non-Furries!) will be hard pressed to grok the Furry world without a few points are how to talk the talk.

First off, forget half of the English words you know, and just replace them all with 'yiffy.' You're not 'horny,' you're 'yiffy.' That otter isn't 'sexy,' he's 'yiffy.' Furs don't have 'erotic fantasies,' they have 'yiffy fantasies.' It's not 'pornographic artwork,' it's 'yiffy artwork.' Following this trend, it's pretty simple to employ adjectives in a Furry context.

Whenever you want to do something to someone, your action needs to become a conglomeration of a noun and a verb, or of two (or possibly more) verbs, tied together into a sort of Furry 'überverb.' This is especially important for online interaction (which is where roughly 102% of all Furry interaction takes places, anyway). Observe:

SlutFox hugs Otterface!

This is unacceptable. A more appropriate sort of action would be:

SlutFox tacklesnugs Otterface!

See? In this way, Furries are capable of expressing behaviors many magnitudes more numerous than other people. You can hugglegrope, whimpermoan, tailwave, earnibble, foxybark, lickgroom, pawpaw (see, it's a noun AND a verb!), springpounce... pretty much anything you can think of. The possibilities are nigh endless.

The one exception to this rule about single-verbs is "scritch." This is the generic Furry term for touching someone all affectionate-like with your cute little pawses. You can scritch someone all you want. Especially if you want to get yiffy with them. The noun form is usually in the plural diminutive, as in ***SlutFox gives Otterface scritchies!

A fursona is like a persona, except with the word 'fur' cleverly substituted into it. You can think of it like an online avatar, except 'afurtar' doesn't flow as well and in written form it looks kinda dirty yiffy. Much like Mary Sue always gets to create her perfect, talented, raven-haired, deep lilac-colored-eyed self, as a Furry, you get to create a character that's absolutely nothing like the real (Mundane) you.

First, you need to come up with a species. The Animal Kindgom is full of a plethora of amazing and interesting species, and so you'll probably be a Fox or a Wolf. (Nota Bene: Whereas real world society has divisions along the lines of Male and Female, the Furry world has the division of Fox and Wolf, since, as we've discussed, everyone's a male already.) Once you've decided whether you're a vulpine (tail goes swish) or lupine (tail goes wag), you need to come up with a name. This is actually pretty easy. Just come up with a short noun or adjective, and stick '-Fox' or '-Wolf' at the end of it, whichever is applicable. That way, you won't forget which species you are if someone asks you.

If, for some weird, unfathomable reason, you decide that you don't want to be a Fox or a Wolf, you can be a kind of feline. It doesn't really matter what kind, because the only real difference is whether you have spots or not. Except for Lions, who are invariably major assholes with massive ego problems.

There are other animals to chose from, too, in theory, but most people never bother. You could pick something weird and obscure, like a Kangaroo or a Three-Toed Sloth, but at that point, you might as well add something else to your character, like pink paisley fur or goat horns, just to make sure your character is extra-original. Also, you could be a sort of hybrid, but since you're trying to break out and be original here, you're better off skipping something 'lame' like wolf/husky and just going for something more creative like otter/giraffe or wallaby/killer whale.

Dragons, too, feature prominently in Furry communities, but they're a pretty big stuck-up clique that doesn't ever actually talk to any of the Mammals. This is partly to do with the fact that dragons are all hermaphrodites.

Okay, so you know that you're a Fox (or a Wolf). Now, it's time to actually describe what you look like, so that people will be able to pick you apart from all the other folks around with -Fox and -Wolf at the end of their names. This, too, is pretty easy.

For a Fox, it's best to mention the black 'socks' on your arms and legs, and to mention that you have a small, almost-girlish body frame (so that everyone can tell that you're a bottom).

For a Wolf, go on and on about your loner nature, your huge body stature, and your general dominant presence (so that everyone can tell that you're a bottom).

Here's an example:

AngstWolf stands before you, a prime specimen of lupine virility. His gray fur fades down into black and white at its ends as it ripples down the length of his body in almost magical waves that catch your attention. Your gaze is immediately drawn to his soul-piercing eyes, which sing out with all the pain from his strife-ridden days of trial that he's waded through up til now.

His plantigrade paws shuffle along the floor as he walks, bespeaking of a manner that's never entirely at rest, a soul that longs for something more. As your eyes move up his muscled legs, you spy his package, and even through the fabric, you can tell that his erect wolfhood is a full 10" long (not including the knot). His white belly is somewhat exposed as the tight military-issue top hugs up at his chest.

He sees you looking at him, and gives you a bare amount of acknowledgement before going back to what he was doing, sulking in the corner as the waves of societal oppression crash in around him more and more.

That's all there is to it! Note that it's very important to put emotions into the mind of your observer, so they'll know what they're thinking when they gaze upon your awesome bod and think those yiffy thoughts.

The core of the Furry world (aside from naughty yiffy drawings) is the quest to make friends. This is usually a three-step process:

1) Meet a Furry on either a MUCK or IRC

2) Discover that you both share an interest in Furry

3) Have TinySex

It should be noted that online sex doesn't follow the same 'überverb' action rules as 'innocent' interaction does. Behold the following:

AngstWolf wraps his paw around your dripping shaft and strokes it slowly.

SlutFox murrrrrrrrs.

Repeat as necessary.

Having a stable online cybersex relationship is key to keeping yourself from reaching a murderous rage that would cause you to lash out at the society that "just doesn't understand you." Keeping one's id purged and clean is a Very Good Thing (tm).

To sum up, as you can see, Furries are different from other folk, but not in a way that's really oppressive or contrary to to the lives of those around them. And just because a hobby happens to make you better than someone else doesn't make it your problem to deal with the folks who can't understand you for that.

Also, it's not about sex. Really. Shut up. Stop looking at me like that. Look, I don't need to take your shit. I'm sick of assholes like you making me look bad because you want to highlight all the freaks who happen to want to call themselves Furries, too. Yes, I live with a pile of stuffed animals in my room, but I don't have sex with them. Honest. Go and check them for SPH's, and I bet you won't find any. Huh? It's a strategically-placed hole. What? Nevermind how I know about those, I promise I don't have plushie sex. My collection of spoogy artwork doesn't affect you. You're just jealous because I know that I have an animal soul. Take your high and mighty attitude and shove it up your tailhole. At least you didn't ask about fursuit sex parties...

If you take anything written here seriously, then you have problems. It's called a parody, folks. Don't come whining to me if you can't take a joke. All handles used within are believed by me, to not refer to any actual people out there. Any similarity to actual persons or events is very much intentional, but no one in specific is supposed to be singled-out here. Text content and everything else here is copyright 2003 of Rikoshi Kisaragi, and can be distrubuted however the heck anyone wants so long as this fact is observed. Have a Nice Day.